Best Decisions

Today, I went to a salon and had my toenails cleaned by a local manicurist. She, no one else, always clean my toenails every two weeks ever since the first time I entered that salon 8 months ago. She basically knows what shape or cut of toenails I prefer, how gentle I want my nails to be handled, or how clean it should be. It is on rare occasions that I have my toenails colored.

Upon entering the room, the spot where I usually sit during pedicure session is occupied by an old man who seems to be a covert member of the third sex -- unopenly presented gender preference by this person perhaps to the profession he holds or the social responsibilities he has, an assumption I behold due to his loud voice with demanding tone when he did call few people over the phone earlier. That might be a premonition, of what my pedicure may result into something different than the usual, that I didn't pay attention to.

Because it was unavoidable, I sat by the chairs directly facing the big mirror in the room and had my toenails started to be cleaned. On my way to the salon, I have decided not to have my toenails painted today. But to my surprise, there were new sets of nail polish displayed on the polish box and the colors were so nice. It's
irresistible. It was hard to stick with my plan. There were three colors that outstand in my eyes. Those were violet, silver and green. 

Of course, as a person who wants the best I let the local manicurist try each of the colors on my toes so I would see which among them blend best with my skin color. Two colors were great to look at. These are silver and green. However, it is known to myself that it usually takes a lot of time for me to decide on things no matter how big or small. Just by choosing which of the two colors shall I wear on my toes it took me about three to five or more minutes.

For some reasons, the local manicurist suddenly suggested, "Ma'am, sa karon noh?! Ang mga baye magbutang lahi na color sa diri (pointing at my big toenails) then lahi pod na color sa na bilin na upat. Then sa pikas, e-alternate nato. Atong suwayan na sa imo?" I was stunned by her courage to speak that way. In the eight months of being her client, it was the first time she decided for me. And so I agreed with her with a smile.

In the duration of this pedicure session, I was busy reading a magazine. After finishing the first foot, I heard her laugh and say, "Murag, Christmas Tree Ma'am", presenting my painted toes. I saw my left toenails hilariously-out-of-my-personality-and-preference colored. So I amusingly replied, "Gane. Pero summer na ron". The cleaning and painting of my toenails continued. I ended up having a color green left big toenails with silver colored other left toenails. The colors were reversed on the right.

When I went out of the salon, I looked at my toenails. I smiled and a thought came in. Not all things are perfect. Sometimes things dont go the usual or they are not the way we expect it to be. A better person knows how to visualize, hope and accept. She visualizes because she knows what she wants, learn how to get it and do something about it. In the process of making the idea a reality, she hopes for the best yet expects and prepares for the worst. For wherever she may be lead on or whatever the result to the pursuit of that something, a strong and better person accept those evitable and inevitable things that happen; because this is what she deserves, this is what she has been working or procrastinating on.

Everyone is the best they choose to be. The only thing that differ is the definition and the way one express the word and the act of being the best. Each of us has our own standard or criteria to this word. Not because the other can't compete or statisfy or match your "best" doesnt mean she is less than or incompatible to you. Nor just because she can't please you with her "best" doesnt mean she didnt make an effort to be the best for you. It is a matter of appreciating things.

Just like this local manicurist who cleaned and painted my toenails today. The way she chose to color my nails was out of my usual and not my preference style. Some people may see my toenails silly or whatever they choose to think about it but they should know that the local manicurist put all her best effort in putting these colors perfectly fitted on my toenails. This is where she is best at. And not just because her style isnt my preferred style doesnt mean she didnt want the best for me nor she is not the best in her chosen career.

A better person knows how to make a disadvantage an advantage. A better person knows there is no harm in trying. A better person knows that it is in holding back that the seed of regret is planted. A better person knows you dont learn about something when you choose to keep on wondering "what ifs" and never act upon those thoughts or assumptions. A better person may never be sure but she is always ready. And a better person knows that all the things that come along her way will make her the best someday. -- C

where is the love?

for an average man, things or events that last six months and beyond they consider to love it. for women however, when it lasts for four months and more they have loved the thing.
i am a woman. one ordinary sunday after my routine jogging i was waiting for sun to rise. i counted the days and weeks until i reached months of counting since the first day i landed in where i am now. i realize it was almost four months since i am here. the question is, i am in love? just when i ponder, to whom? i cant seem to think of a name. or should i rephrase my question, why am i here?

it was an ultimate choice to choose to separate from comfort and live independently after college. it was the bravest decision i have ever made as far i could recall. what pushes me to this was at that time, i think, i wasnt anymore happy with where i was. i have always been reminding myself with the saying "stay if youre happy, leave when you are not". so i did.

now, i am stuck in this busy place where people seem to be different from where i left. am i really in love? upon sitting here in this concrete i know the only thing i love about this place is their sun rise which i believe is the second most beautiful thing next to a woman giving birth. but come to think of this, the sun rise everywhere. then, why am i here? -- C

Soul Searching

"When you start finding happiness, you will find out that looking for wisdom is the ultimate search."

When I left home three months ago to find peace and serenity from within I was too convinced that I was looking for perfect happiness.

In the pursuit of perfect happiness, I have met few several new people who gave me new definitions and ways how to feel it.

The moments were quite infatuating but not overwhelming that even on spotlight I have come to realize that to find your own happiness you have first to keep your feet on the ground.

There will be many opportunities that will be knocking at your door and telling you she is happiness. She will allure you with temporary joys and gladness because you are lonely. You can always open your door but at the end of the day, choose wisely who among them to enter beyond that door of yours.

People come and go. When they pass by, they will always show you many hows and whats to know and find your happiness. But it is your own eyes who will see the right light that will not blind your life. Do not let them define nor depend on them your happiness. Claim it in your own right. So when the time comes that those people have to leave, you still have happiness that won't.

P.S.
Your self is just there all along
Never lose it in the process of finding it
-- C

The Final Speech of a Choleric Sanguine

I remember exactly 338 days ago, I was like you students, welcoming the school year with mixed emotions; excited to see my friends again, seeing new faces and pinpointing new crushes, heartthrobs and head turners, also scared of what lies ahead in my new subject but most especially, I am happy because again, I have an allowance in my pocket to blew away.

I was just exactly like you guys, only that I was at the same time the Riverside Student Government President. Now so what if I was the president before? What relevance does it brings to Riverside College? Well if I must say, being a President affects the triangle of connection a leader must maintain

The first edge of the triangle is the teachers and administrators. RSG, you must be the mediator or the means of communication between them and the students. You advocate yourselves to the students so what they deservingly want and your privileged rights would be known to the authority here in the campus, thus proper action could be negotiated. For example, If you want to have a weeklong celebration of the Literary Musical and Sportsfest, I believe Mrs. Streegan is a very good listener. On the other hand, you are also the means of influence by acting out as good role models to the students so what the administrators have envisioned for the students will be materialized.

The second part of the triangle that the president and her team must maintain good connection with is with the students. Apathy among students is not the root cause why activities have poor satisfaction evaluation. According to our President Samuel Lee, when he once sat with us in a meeting, he said, “make your activities relevant”; and when we say relevant it must be of the students’ interest made creative and weird that they would come running curious why of all the ticks in a clock the activity would start at 9:46am? However, make sure when you say it’s 9:46am we are starting, it should really is. Remember, first impression last. And also do everything in a timely manner, because the secret to an event’s success is preparation.

To complete the triangle is the community. A leader must always think out of the box that she gets bored inside her comfort zone. She must spread her wings wider so she would learn more; influence and inspire and help more people and eventually herself. I remember my first ever reason why I joined the Council four years ago, it was because I was bored inside the classroom. As I expose myself to public service, I learned that there is nothing more sacrificial than to dwell myself in a student government for myself, my country and my God; that at the end of the day, through RSG I am a better person, I have helped my fellow and I have served my God.

All of us have different reasons why we are here. More than anything else as a leader, I believe, I have seen reality in my visions through my colleagues for RSG; that beyond the four corners of a classroom, the student government is an avenue in preparing students for the real world after graduation. More than the practical privileges of being a student leader, it is the twisting experiences turned to unforgettable memories that later become a foundation of friendship among officers and the people they serve. Perhaps, amidst the diversity of reasons we had back then why we joined RSG, FOR PERSONAL GROWTH THROUGH SERVICE, that was our common goal, our common belief, our strong inspiration to continue our passion to be the best for the students, for our school and for ourselves. -- C

Guilty Love

Im sorry kung nasaktan kita ng naisip ko na humiwalay sayo if nanalo ako doon sa contest. Apat na taun ko kasi yun pinagpaguran para makasali ako sa contest na yun at akala ko yun na ang magpapasaya sa akin. Pero hindi pala. Manalo man ako doon mukhang hindi pa rin ako magiging masaya kasi hindi maayos buhay ko. Libong mahirap nga mapapasaya ko pero ako paulit ulit pa din akong hihiga sa gabe at matutulog na malungkot at magkaroon ng masamang panaginip pagwala ka.

Im sorry kung feeling mo ipagpapalit kita sa ibang tao. Hindi ko sila priority tulad nang sabe mo. Priority ko sarili ko at parte ka ng sarili ko. Gusto ko na after a long day may tao akong puwedeng makausap, lambingin, halikan, at sabihan ng "i love you so much" araw araw bago matulog kahit hindi naman talaga kme magkatabe sa kama.

Im sorry naisip ko lahat ng yun ksi takot ako na masaktan mo uli. Pusong bato man kung ituring nila, pwede din ako masaktan at isa ka sa mga tao na may karapatan at kakayahan na saktan ako.

Nasabe ko ba sayo noon na sobra akong nasaktan sa ginawa niyu ng kaibigan, lahat ng pasaway, pag.echos mo sa akin? Pinatawad at tinanggap kita pero ang dulot nun sa akin ay takot na baka ulitin mo lahat yun. Baka mag-give up na ko nun pagmaulit pa. Pero siguro nung pinili kong magpakagaga ulit sayo dapat handa na ako sa posibilidad na masaktan lang ako.

Gusto ko alagaan kita, bigay ko sayo oras ko kasi wala dito sina mama mo. Gusto ko maramdaman mo na mi nagmamahal sayo! Kaya ko yun naisip na pagmasyado akong busy hindi ko na magawa yun. Mghanap ka ng iba, maulit yung sa kaibigan mo dati, masasaktan lang ako. At pwede ding masaktan kita. Ang selfish at mahina ako nu?

Im sorry hndi ko naisip na baka.. kahit maliit na percent.. nagbago kana at kaya mong maghintay sa akin buong araw at isang text, sampung segundo na tawag ok kana. Hindi pa yun unfair sayo? Im sorry hindi kita kinausap muna sa sitwasyun ko noon. At bigla lang ako nagdesisyun.

Im sorry kung minsan duda pa din ako na mahal mo ako. Pero naisip mo din ba na masyado kitang mahal ayokong paghintayin ka buong araw? Na malayu tayu sa isa't isa nagyon baka mahirapan lang tayo at masaktan pa natin ang isa't isa sa huli.

Pwede din na masyado kitang mahal kaya ko din maghintay sayo sa tamang oras na pwede na talaga tayo magkita at magasama ng malapitan. At sa puntong yun dun tayo magdecide kung saan yung buhay nating dalawa pupunta. Ok na ba yun? Hindi ako nanalo sa contest kasi sabe ni Lord sayo lang ako. Tayu na lang daw dalawa ang magdamayan.

Ayoko pang mawala ka sa buhay ko. Please wag na wag kang mag-give up sa akin kasi minsan gaga talaga ako. Kailangan ko ang taong hindi ako iiwan kahit sobrang hirap na samahan ako. At patuloy kong tutupadin ang promise ko sa'yo noong una tayong nagkakilala. Naalala mo ba yun? Tinanong kita kung ano ang gusto mo at hiniling mong hindi kita iwan kahit anong mangyari. Well, kahit isang libong contest pa yan, di kita iiwan. Uuwi pa din ako sa'yo.

Your Bheb,

- C

Tribute Speech

Dear Parents,

Everything is overwhelming right  now. Just by looking at us wearing our neatly pressed white uniform , i bet, your overwhelming joy in this momentous event is unexplainable. Some of you here have teary eyes, some cannot even think straight because you can hardly believe that we, your children, are graduating. However, can I ask one last favor form you? Join me as we reminisce the beautiful moments we had before we are who we are now.

Let's go back 19, 20 or 21 years ago, when we, your children first learned to crawl,  stand and walk. You were there untiringly supporting and preventing us from falling to the ground. Thank you. You were our first kinesthetic teacher!

Remember the first time we uttered the words mama, papa, daddy, mommy, nanay or tatay? That made you teary eyed, right? Thank you! Thank you for being our first language teacher.

The toilet training, the routine toothbrushing, tying our shoelace, holding of spoon and fork correctly and grooming ourselves properly... Thank you for teaching us all these -- I believe, that was our foundation in making ourselves neat and pleasant as medical students who care for patients who are uncomfortable because of their illnesses.

During the first day of Kindergarten, when some of us were so afraid, while some of us were so excited to go to our first ever school. Thank you for accompanying us. The little assurance from you that everything would be fun was such a help to ease the anxiety we had those times.

When simple coloring of pictures and simple counting of 1,2,3 turned to more complex thesis writing and mathematical expressions that made us stay late at night studying. Thank you for gently waking us up in the morning just to save us from running late in our classes and duties.

On puberty stage, when we all felt we were so ugly... that the physical changes happening made us realize we were no longer children. Thank you for telling us that we are the most beautiful and handsome persons in the whole world.

Some may feel closed off, while some are openly vocal to our parents about our heartbreaks. Thank you for advising us that it's not the end of the world.

When we were so confused which college course to take our what school should we go to.. When some of you forced us to do this and that, while some of you were calm and let us decide which is which. Thank you! Indeed, you know what's best for us.

For the times that our friends or classmates had to stay overnight in our house... Or the times we had to sleep over in our classmates' place.. Or making our home a venue for a video making. Thank you! For letting them in or letting me be just to wrap up our cases presentations or research paper even though deep inside us, at time, we knew these sleepovers would just be staying late talking and making good, silly memories as friends rather than finishing our projects.

Surfing the net has been our night shifts routine from eight to two am. Thank you for the ready breakfast you prepared for us on the table that kept us energized the whole mentally tiring day.

For nagging us about going home early and studying for the exams rather than watching televisions, calling and texting a friend or going out on a Friday or Saturday night. Thank you. We know that the knowledge we get in the academe is the only thing you can give us that nobody could ever take away.

Even for the times we made mistakes. When we have disappointed you because we failed a subject, or we frustrate you because we are so stubborn... Still you, our parents never gave up on us, still trusted us and supported us all the way.. simply because we are your children; a big thanks because you are our parents and you love us unconditionally.

My dear fellow graduates, who would forget our mentors? Sir and Ms. you were the ones who imposed on us those extension and payment duties whenever we are late or fail to bring a requirement that eventually developed our discipline, you who gave us mind cracking tests that motivated us to try harder next time... Thank you... for being our second parents here in school.

Today, as we graduate, the things I said are just a few of the many simple things you have done to us that created big impacts on our lives. In a few more months, our lives will never be the same - you will no longer see us wear our school uniforms, you will not see us sleeping with our books on our faces, and you will no longer give us allowances for school - because in a few more months from now, we will have our own new uniforms for work, you will see us sleeping very tired from a day's job interviews and perhaps, we will have our own salary to share for the expenses at home. It will be our time to take full responsibility for our lives and make you more proud in whatever field we choose.

Mama and Papa, Mommy and Daddy, Nanay and Tatay... For working so hard late at night so you could pay our tuition, for waking up early in the morning just to prepare the things we need, for making us your priority that sometimes you tend to forget about your own personal needs, for being there when the world turns their back on us... a million thanks is not enough to show our gratitude to you, our dear parents. I hope, in behalf of my batchmates, through this tribute speech we have expressed our heartfelt thank you for being the best mama and papa, mommy and daddy, nanay and tatay in the whole world... - C

Together Forever

Almost five months ago, my mind has been idle from love commitments
Back then, I was confused for weeks of what I really want and needed this past few years
Been running away from romantic affairs and avoiding emotional attachments from anyone
Stereotyping any man who tries to come close to me

On the other hand there you were trying to mend your broken heart in a far away land
Drowning yourself to liquors, feeling numb while singing that song of Fra Lippo Lippi
Trying to enjoy yourself despite the pain love brought you for months since then
Exactly the pain I went through for years, overcome, avoiding and scared of

It was just another boring, ordinary day almost five months ago
Living our lives the way we cope it
Until my idle mind pressed call and your drunk broken heart started talking
Funny how we first know each other, eh?

Weird was I in giving out my number like I trust you instantly
Even so spontaneous of you to ask me that shit on your booty call (lol)
To think both moves were stupid it hell gives me a laugh
Every time I would remember (& kilig every time it would be you who remembers)

Maybe at that very moment, we got each other's attention
I have to be honest, you already have me when you really called that night
Just the way you told me you would when we first talked
Because you told me, I had you when I first embarrass you to your friend

The indifference and newness came to our veins where infatuation began to reign
We kept our own ulterior motives before,
Where you're angry at me and I, enjoying your tempting attention
You pursued me everyday till I surrender to your chase

Remember the tricks you taught me and the first time I learned it
That it eventually become our little sweet private moments done everywhere
Dont forget the songs you said we'll sing, our secret-love talks, stupid wars, and romantic wishes
Want you to forget it not but to remember it with a smile or even laugh

Many has happened since then, right?
Things only us do and know; feelings only us hold, I hope
These I wish would last forever
Never give up no matter what on each other

Up to date we are still on the line
Sometimes we are happy, sometimes we are sad
You make me excited, worry, angry and jealous at times
Mixed & confusing but those are the times I feel so alive because of you

I have been denying that I didnt know I would enjoy all these
The emotions you burn on me, these are the things I missed long in life
It is only you who could make me feel all of these with just being yourself
Up till I learned to adapt in this new world, getting used to feelings

Frankly, there are times I wanna run away from you
Especially when I dont understand your thoughts and you keep hiding it on me
There are also times I feel youre pushing me away and taking me for granted
These are the times I have to keep calm and outsmart my self from being impatient

Sometimes love quotes are beginning to make sense to me
As if it was some omen meant to make me think again about you
Whether you are true or not; sincerely loyal or a faithful jerk;
Or some game that has been seriously wasting my time long enough

That it is so hard to rehearse all day the things I wanna say to end us
It is even difficult when we talk because I always find myself embracing you back
Choosing my heart over my brain, forgetting those painful words from my hurt feelings
Because one kiss from you makes it okay

Days and weeks and months have passed
More than I intended to stay just to fulfill my words "I'll fix your broken heart"
Much than fixing your heart, later did I know that you, you made me care again
The care I have been trying to hide for years from people, I gave it to you

When I first know you, I didnt expect you would be this important to me
Not even planning to make it last or longer, intending to leave you sooner
But we get to tolerate each others' over acting drama, topak, and issues
Learning that pareha tayo mag-isip, making and expecting days complete

However, soon I cant hear your voice anymore before I sleep
I will surely miss that at some nights when you'll b gone
Though I have not touched you the way I have always wanted to
I will remember how we comfort each other after a long day

Your coming is a lesson and blessing to me I would be thankful for
While your leaving is a mind setting I would always appreciate
I hope in my own little way, I have made you feel loved the way you deserve to be
Because that was what I have always asked your Jesus for you

I wont regret knowing you nor bitter to be left by you
I know in my heart that this is the chance for you and eventually for me
For you to re-arrange your life, to be rich as you have always desired
And for me to be ready for life

In your new world, I may not be your girl anymore
You may find someone -- who wont leave you no matter what,
Who knows yet accepts your past and cares for you...
That's how much I love you; if she does all these, keep her

She loves you as much as I really do and care for you (T_T)
But if you come and thought of me even after everything
Make it fast and find me, I will still want you
I am just somewhere near thinking of you

Maybe one day, in this lifetime, we will meet when all is well and ready
Can we work on this and really make it happen?
To finally really hug you & call your name in my sweetest tone you always adore (T_T)
Then perhaps, as you wish, maybe we could have some part two that wouldn't end

We wont promise anything right now
But remember what my favorite GG character said,
"If two people are meant to be together
Eventually, they'll find their way back"

I will pray for your success; just as I have always prayed for someone like you
Of all the things you said that I didnt mind that it didnt happen
This time, I will believe that you will make it good and build better dreams
Be rich as f*ck, go home, have that business with your feet still on the ground

I know you are strong & you will make everything right this time!
Never let anyone control and make you feel lonely, baby boy
Make me happy and proud because my support for you will never falter
Wherever you are, think that Im with you; just as you echos me"hindi ka mawawala sa isip at puso ko"

Distance may hinder us now but our choices in the future will help us meet
Through the coming years you'll have a space in me where you can go home
You will still be my baby, my pasaway, my berta, my BSBA,
my babaero, my pala disco, my darling, my love, palangga and babe

And if you should had read this, smile, you're on the last part, you know who you are
I know these words are not enough to make you feel the way you made me
But know that these are honesty from my heart, I love you too, babe!
Wishing you and I would always want and never forget each other, FOREVER

PS: August 21, 2012, 1:00am.
-- C