Shall Return

Some people dont realize how strong the word "love" is...

Some havent thought and expected that it is capable of changing life...

Some body's life... Or your life...

Love gives you so many reasons

Moments you cant even imagine you can possibly do

Words you cant even imagine you can possibly say

And emotions you cant even imagine you can possibly feel

The unexpected things that happen to you...

The unexpected people you meet along the way...

Those people who pass and left...

Gave you something unexpectedly you'd never forget...

Because the most painful goodbyes are those never said and explained

Hunting memories and unanswered questions,

Tears your heart and wound it apart

All the what ifs in the world compressed in your head

Slowly, turning love to regret to disgust to fear to anger

Fading that warm fuzzy feeling from before

Making you love drunk

Until nothings left but hurt, ill and broken

You drown yourself to beers and liquors,

With sad weary thoughts...

Sedating on very loud music, heart beat's numb

Pretending not to care, but you know your love stays still

Despite the struggle love gives you,

Continue to live and breathe

Take every pain until no more

This is broken love, my dear, you once fight for

But please never break the heart of others

Just because someone else did on yours

You may be a lost soul now,
Tomorrow you'll find the right one somehow

Someone to mend that broken heart
She will always stay no matter what
Because she knows and felt your feeling
She knows better than to leave you

Just because she'll always remain, you know
Dont take her for granted, real love you show
For she loves her self more
More than she thought she could than before

She is not like the other
Who gave you reasons to die
Her love will make you live,
Your nightmares would disappear

Soon you will forget the past
You will love yourself again
See the world and its beauty
Now, you will love her for real

Dont forget she gave you company
When the world didnt care
Accepted you in your worst
Thinks she deserves your best

Dont you do the same mistakes like before
Just love yourself and her
Trust and be faithful, give respect too
It's honesty what love requires

It will make you smile
Sometimes it would make you cry
It will hurt you at times
But true love is always worth the try

Never lose your faith on love, darling
Dont let pain makes you hate
Because loving yourself right,
Makes you love someone else completely

And this love, make it forever
No matter how difficult
Choose to stay in love
Because forever means "no matter what"
-- C

What if I know now the answer?

There are things in life you had thought about so many times before doing it.

You deliberated its pros and cons for some endless nights.

Out of the many tempting choices and options that made decision making so hard,

For whatever reasons that prevailed, it was at some point what you wanted and or needed.

But what if life is given another chance?

To do the things you havent chosen, done and made in this lifetime.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be if you choose what you didnt choose?

Would you take the way you didnt take in another life?

For me, it's a YES!

If I am asked what are the things I wish to do if given another life

It would be the things I didnt do and choose in this lifetime.

Not that I regret what I have now, but I just want to know the answers to what ifs..

What if I didnt love you?

What if I didnt say yes?

What if I didnt bring you to my house?

What if I didnt reply to your text? What next?

What if we didnt met?

What if I didnt took you for granted? Will you still be mine?

What if you didnt gave up on me?

What if I fight harder for my desire? For my only dream?

What if I stayed and waited for the right time?

What if i didnt get scared?

What if I had another life?

All the what ifs might not be enough of reason to re-write your life

Some are simply what you need and wanted

That you dont have to re-make it again the other way.

You are contented of the outcome of today.

I am just plainly wondering for the things we didnt do because of whatever reasons we thought before not worthy of

Curiosity might kill the cat, but sometimes, it will make you feel alive. -- C

It was you who put them there

The picture was taken on a post over Facebook. Comparing the present president and a senator. I wasnt a voter yet when this two were elected. Hence, this entry is I, speaking for myself as a Filipino.


Each and everyone of us here on Earth was made by very unique, un-duplicated set of genes thereby differ us from one another. Why compare these two public servants when they are way different from one another? I speak not because I am pro nor an antagonist of anyone of them.


To be ranked as either the highest or lowest spender in the Senate does not affect your way of thinking when voting guilty or acquitted in any issue that may arise in the house. As long as you are transparent, honest and not corrupt in presenting your accounts and submit annual monetary records, I think, this is not a question of who's better just with the look of ranking.


Just because one didnt not pass a law or authored a bill doesnt mean he is less than the other. Also, it doesnt mean that when one has he is more. It is always quality over quantity. When one tries to pass a law or authors a bill, he has his roots of reasons. And we have to trust and believe the people we have elected that they are pro-people; that they think for our welfare and not on their personal gains.


There was also a comment on Lapid's capacity since he was an actor and wasnt able to graduate a degree. Yes, knowledge is very much needed to understand fully the constitution but education is ubiquitous. One can learn that over time by familiarization and habitual contact with the laws. Lapid knows how to read and write, of right age so is technically qualified for his position. Some politician's have more on law background but what good did they bring? The question is not on his educational background  but on his capacities and passion as leader.

Today, the two begets different line of functions. One from the executive branch and the other from the legislative. Both branches demand public service delivered in different ways by each (quoted from K. Cumpio) Let us judge them by the roles they portray and not their past. They were those people before they became what they are now. They are humans, capable of change and learning. I believe, they know what they need and should do in the position by the time they filed their candidacy. Let alone, you are the ones you put them there.

Why whip their capacities by your judgement of who's better and who's less? If we eliminate them in the position will the poor becomes rich? Will the sick be given medical attention? Will the children who's eager to learn be sent to school? Will the homeless be given homes so they'll have peace and dignity? Will the unemployed be given jobs so they could feed their families? Or will the corruption be stopped? Have you put and ponder yourself if you are on their shoe? Or at least, have you asked your self, what have I done for my country?

I am not a pro-Noynoy nor pro-Lapid. At the end of the day, it was US who voted for them. Ask yourselves, Filipinos, were they really what we wanted when we voted for them? Those bought votes for 200php and up can only suffice one day of your needs. But these people you elect will affect years of your lives. This coming election, think twice.. think hard.. who to vote so you wont end up like this again -- reprimanding the result of your own actions. It is not always a matter of lineage but a question of individual capacity; not a matter of who is more popular but a question of character. -- C

A President and a Nude Player

I am who I am and I live my life the way I think is right as it pleases me. Not for anyone but for myself. If that gave me natural charisma to be hated, I dont give a damn!

Last April 12, 2011 I posted something peculiar for the eyes of the many in Facebook. A picture of me topless, exposing my burned skin at the back edited in black and white with a quotation "man was created before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece". No tits, no genitalia. Purely skin. It was my first "nude play". I was since then a self proclaimed nude play artist, inspired by a friend VFE's passion for the same thing.

I dont know how the inspiration burned and sparked all over my capricious mind. It just happen that when I first did that, I felt something free within me. A release of angst and inhibitions, the thrill of the different and perhaps, the expression of the unconscious. I am myself when Im naked; no worries, no expectations, just plain and simple.

Whenever I do nude play, I have the role of a model, a photographer, a picture editor.. How's that? I am everything. The role thrills me more to be an artist. My body, my art.

---

Currently, last March 2012, I was elected as President of my school's Student Government.

As President, I gained power equally as I have gained responsibility.

I have to play the role of a President. To be someone decent, a good image, an untarnished reputation, a composed righteous one.. for a role model.

Well, I can keep up with that expectations at first glance. But I never knew that to be President is synonymous to diminished privilege to be free. And I have always valued my freedom over any other things. That is one thing I cant live without. Something worth anything to have.

---

I am now both a self proclaimed nude play artist and a President. A schizophrenic woman who plays different kinds of role at a given time. I am different when Im an artist, and different when Im the President. But some people tend to over generalize things and react badly on someone else's shoes without even bothering to put herself on it. At least, for once, why cant people see the world as I see it?

Right now, I am severely criticized as President because of my nude play pictures.

Frankly, I dont give a damn about anyone's opinion. These comments are meaningless because those who judge me know me, but they dont know ABOUT me. I know who I am and I am secured of my self. My friends believe me and my family loves me for who I am and what I have become. They are proud of me despite my defect and shortcomings. Other than those persons, hearsays about me dont really matter. Unsolicited advice, if you dont know the entirety of me, dont act as if your comments matter.. You are just wasting your right to speak. You are sounding jealous and irrelevant and funny. Save yourself from my mental killing!


But I am just hurt, badly hurt, that my art of being myself, the art of expressing my freedom is caged into someone else's pathetic close minded perception. I cannot breathe, I am suffocated. My freedom to be honest about myself is choked. I want to be free.

No, I cannot think of any other ways to express my being other than nude play. If that seem to bother you, dont look at me. Dont mind me. As I have not been interested about anyone, as well. I know what I am doing and I will stand for myself. Again, save yourself from too much distress about my happiness.


I clearly understand that when I chose to do the act, I can gather different kinds of opinions and each one of that I respect and will respect. But you have to understand that I do things for myself, not to please anyone. If you like me, thank you. If you dont, it's still ok. I cannot live on anyone's expectation because I have the tendency to rebel on it. My God gave me free will to choose, and so are you. It all depends on us how we are going to use it.


However, you cannot question my values as a person just because of my actions, especially when you dont know my root of doing it.. especially when you cant feel what I have felt while doing it. Posing my bare back on Facebook does not define my entirety. IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR LIVES. IT DOES NOT DEFUNCT MY CAPABILITIES AS PRESIDENT. AND HONESTLY, YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT.


Stop lambasting my values!! Stop caging my freedom into your mind!! Stop trying to erase my existence!! You are not perfect as well! 


I cannot change who I am for you.. I am proud of what I have become. I will continually do what I want. We just need to adjust on everybody so we could co-live. But if you cannot stand on my presence, leave. You are not happy anymore. Happiness and freedom is more than any societal position and glory.


On my part, I am a President and a Nude Player. Believe me, I know how to portray the roles. You just have to see me one role at a time. What I have done in the past made me this way. I am proud of it because I have learned on it!


I might just suppress the urge of a nude player as of the moment, but like Douglas McArthur, my nudeplay SHALL RETURN! -- C

I Cant Live Life Without Freedom

What is FREEDOM? How does it feels like to be truly FREE?

1. It's when you know it cant buy love and happiness. But to have freedom is to freely choose to be happy than sad; to freely choose who to love or hate.

2. To be free is to talk, walk, think and act freely without giving a damn about what other people might say. You will stand for what you have said and done, even if it means standing alone.

3.To be free is to live life at the moment. When you are free, you have let go and learned from the past... You have no confusion over the present... Nor fear and anxiety for the future.

4. It's when you speak of the honest truth and dont care who might get hurt because you know truth hurts and getting hurt is a part of life. After all, life is unfair.

5. People must life their lives not pleasing others, but do what is right and best for them. Because when you are free, you dont live up to other people's expectations or to their unfulfilled dreams. You decide for yourself and you are ready for its consequence.

6. To be free is to have time for your the people who needs your help, for your friends, for your family and for yourself despite the breaking busy moments of your life.

7. To express yourself without reservation, to break down and cry when you cant take it anymore, to laugh when you are happy, to sleep when you're sleepy, to rest when you're tired, to shout when you're depressed.. to do what you want is to be free.

8. No one owns anyone but yourself. Do not let others over rule or intimidate you. Do not let others steal your happiness. Do not let others step onto your pride or dignity. Because to be free is to be secured about yourself. No one knows you better than your God and you.

9. No one can truly love and care about you but yourself. To be free is to love thy self more than anyone. Someone cannot love you when you dont love yourself. A truly free person knows what she wants and she'll get it.

10. And, to be really free is to be responsible for all the choices you have made in life. To not regret what you have done but happy because you wont live life with what if's and you have learned something out of it.

"Life a matter of choices. And to be free is to be strong!

But no one is really that strong enough to get out of life alive.

Therefore, no one is truly free." -- C

An Open Letter to the RSG

Dear Officers,


Months ago, almost everyone is expecting me to be the next RSG President. During that time, I wasnt convinced yet for the position. I dont like the pressure and the expectation. I always have explainable  conviction of proving people wrong. There's also an instinct I cannot describe. I was waiting for the omen to arrive. While waiting, I have pondered: All these years, my service wasnt for position or recognition because its root was just for personal rebellion. It was just to divert my hatred of being stuck to the school I dont even like since day one. As I keep on doing things over and over and over, I learned to enjoy it and it became my passion. My purpose of rebellion turned into self growth. I have realized that to be mature and wiser through this experience, I believe, that is more than any awards, recognition and position one could have. They are mere consuelo de bobos that may be lost, could fade, could break, it maybe forgotten.. and I dont care about consuelo de bobos. But I tell you, the moments, the friends, the lessons learned is not for bargain nor for sale because at the end of the day, it's PRICELESS.


Up until the day I decided to run for Presidency, I wasnt even that serious. If I had an opponent, it was okay for me to lose the run because I am hundred and one percent sure, my passion will never lose its burn despite position-less service. To help is to believe in its cause therefore you commit yourself. That is why service is called an advocacy! This may not matter to you now, but as you try to keep your tape rolling, you will understand that the satisfaction you get in doing things in RSG is beyond its physical benefits. The sweet taste of victory after team's hardwork is so addictive, you will want to ask for more! But in order to feel what I felt and feeling, you have to put your heart on it. You are now leaders and leaders put their hearts on what they do!


Now, I am the Captain of your Ship. I can only promise to practice what I preach and that is to be righteous and competent. For these two sum up what a President should be, for me.


To be righteous is to listen and acknowledge everyone; to never assume and judge unless fully understood; to be neutral and fair on both grounds; to stay and decide with the truth; and, to be honest and do what is right... all the time. 


To be competent is to remain strong amidst conspiracy and breakdowns! Because when you are strong you know what to do. When you know what to do, you can and you will do it.. you will get it.. you will never stop until you have it... But remember, a leader desires to achieve, not to beat others!


I am only as good as I choose to be. I can not always be exemplary to all the people who expect a President to be because even a president or a leader is human. She is only human with exemplary visions for the world. No one could question her capability but the people she serve. She is good by their own definitions and her own goals. She cannot please everyone, but rest assured, a true leader can serve her people beyond her defects.


For the next ten months or so, we will work as team. At times, our personalities will clash, our ideas will compete, our ego will be bruised, and our character will be tested. We have to be strong. We must be strong because we need to be! To where we stand in the organization is what we all wanted. It was our choice, and this is the consequence. This is the challenge we will be facing as a team.


I remember Philip Wen Bombita once told the Phoenix Council two years ago, when we were just building our team. He told us that a "team" brought different individuals together for one common goal. As you work on reaching that one common goal, you will no longer be different individuals brought together but friends who share the same interest. And it is always nice to work with peers!


Here in RSG, our one common goal is to be, to do, to give our best in everything... for the students, for the school, and for ourselves.


But I tell you, on the process of being, of doing and giving our best.. we can expect the worst. But to overcome the worst, the word is FOCUS. Never forget why we are here. I am here and I will stay strong with you...


-- C

Tough Life, Tougher You

People are built to be strong but life was meant to be hard.

 Its difficulties shape individuals to be tougher each day of their lives.

Each experiences we have makes us wiser and better.

Just like in sex, someone told me "The more you do sex, the better you get each time"

These adversities teach us to be mature and inevitably change

The pain it cause, at times, affects people too much. 

Too severe that sometimes we could not anymore grasp reality

It hurts badly that we tend to lose hope, we think of conspiracy, the crashing of worlds and the end of life.

But do not forget, "When life is tough, you are tougher"

When circumstances depletes the air we breath that we cannot hold any longer

When all else fail and broken that we could barely come out alive

When we feel we are doomed to fall, fight until your last breath.

Hold on to the truth, "You are down but you'll get up again"

Push yourself to the limit, you know, you could take it.

People cannot pull you down when you dont allow them to.

Fight humbly and stay with the truth

Even if it means standing alone.

Pull on the trigger, but, "Do not destroy a monster, lest you become one"

Be optimistic that you will and you can get up!

Problems are far from over

But these are all challenges, a test of focus and character.

And people cannot count you out just yet

They cant stop you because when you "Think you can and you can"

***

Inspired by the song You Havent Seen the Last of Me by Cher
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJgg695-Mck&feature=fvst

"thank you Dear Eloise" -- C

He Knows What To Do When You Dont

When you are accused of something you didnt do, ask the Lord to give you strength.

Strength to stay focused and honest so you could endure the pain when doubtful eyes are lurking over your shoulders and accusing words strike your heart!

Confusion, guilt and remorse arent good combination. If people make you feel that way, always seek for what is right. In your journey of finding it, you may lose what you have gained. But when all wars end, nothing is more greater than a peaceful life. Do not forget that the Lord only gives you tests He knows you could survive.

The truth will set you free, they say. But some truths are twisted when emotions cloud people's judgment.

Amidst the lies and false assumptions, choose to remain rightful in your actions because people maybe blind at times, but the Lord isnt!

Your character is who you really are, and your reputation is what people thinks about you. But when people lambaste your character, stay calm and compose yourself. You and your God know yourself better than others. Besides, you do not owe anyone explanation nor should they be given attention. As long as the people you care about believes in you, do not quit and outsmart the devil in you.

If these accusations diminish your self esteem, ask the Lord to walk by you. Whenever you feel down, you have to stand up and trust in Him that you should carry on despite your weakness because he will catch you when you stumble.

Trust no one but yourself. 'Coz when you dont know who to believe and trust anymore, turn to the Lord because he listens all the time. He is fair and He never judge.

And when you are doomed to fall and lose it all. Allow yourself to be wounded. Because scars are reminder that once we had a life. Ask the Lord to heal this, for sure, he will.. even if it takes time!

***

Tomorrow, I am to face the test of my character.

Lord, give me the strength I need.

They Call Me C

This first entry was written a year ago and was posted on my aboutme page on the same day. It talks about how I view myself without the apprehension of other people's judgment and perception of me.

I'd like to post it here too since this will be my official blog site, an avenue of my deepest thoughts, suppressed angst, intense feeling, eccentric euphoria and confusion wrapped in one, so readers must somehow understand my root by simply reading this. However, I dont expect all readers to like my posts nor like me as an author. If you like it cool; if you dont it's still ok. You have to understand that this blog is not intended to please people. This is for myself, to keep Cherry Mijares sane and human.

This might not be the entirety of my schizophrenic, bipolar me but Im sure, this is something real and cannot be contest by others especially when these others are not the people I care about.

***

Before anything else, I would just like to tell you that I have a very low tolerance for stupid people. So might as well read carefully and think very well before whatever, the statements that comes next to this:

Hello there! Im not perfect :) 

I always mean what I say but I sometimes don't say what I mean. We all deserve to know the truth. But some truths are meant to be kept for a while. It's for your own good sometimes.

Whether you like it or not, Im a brutally honest, competitive bitch -- I know what I want and I do whatever that is best and right for me. I dont live my life pleasing others. I live it responsibly by doing what I think is right. But, nuh-uh, I don't mess up with people unless they mess me up first. I only act upon people based on what they deserve. 

As much as I want to preserve my privacy, most people are plain nosy & jealous that's why I only have few people in my life I call friends. They are the only ones whose judgment matters and whose actions can hurt me. The only ones who are entitled and has the privilege to know the entirety of my being. When it comes to them, no holds barred! You can be that person if you're worth it. 

It's not atheism, im a deist. I believe in the presence of a higher being. No bible, no religion. If you can't respect it, just don't call me stupid or evil for not sharing the same belief with you. Im not gonna change that principle anyway. 

I can't live life without freedom. It's the only thing that keeps people going. Yes! It can't buy love and happiness. But it can take you near your loved one, it can buy you food, etc. Thus, will make you happy. Just be careful, this freedom entails responsibility. 

&& the rest of me are as capricious, as flippant, as random, as vain & as real as this fake poser of myself! -- C